redletters.

2009-02-21T01:39:00.002+08:00

cause we crash and burn to the point of no return

there has been many things that have been on my mind. my one and only regret ___. i miss my old life.
but i've worked so hard to get here. and i wouldn't let what you say put me down. although it loops on its own in my mind constantly.
but my life's calling out, maybe i won't be back this time cause i feel nothing.

there's somewhere inside me where it's totally gone and i don't know if that's alright or wrong.

2009-02-18T22:06:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish that someone would wipe the tears for me instead.

2009-01-15T21:35:00.003+08:00

WOODY ALLEN: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: Yes it is.

WOODY ALLEN: What does it say to you?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence, nothingness, the predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity, like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void, with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless bleak straightjacket in a black absurd cosmos.

WOODY ALLEN: What are you doing Saturday night?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: Committing suicide.

WOODY ALLEN: What about Friday night?

GIRL IN MUSEUM: [leaves silently]

have you ever wondered whether you really exist? or are you just a figment of someone else's imagination. what if you lived/are living for the sake of someone's dreams at night.

i love you even when i don't know you. yet

2009-01-03T18:10:00.004+08:00

one day when he dies, will you feel as hurt as i have been.
or would you just brush it aside because he didn't mean anything to you.
like he did to me.

maybe it's darker than it seems.

2008-12-25T23:31:00.002+08:00

when the blues have fade. who will you worry for first?

i am going to lay off drinks and concentrate on my piano.

my fingers will play till you say it's perfect.

i am going to decide what to do with my life.

i live for variations while you for stoic tunes.

2008-11-24T22:04:00.004+08:00

thank you PSC. now i feel like the world is actually just like me.
although i think it's only a temporary feeling

2008-11-06T22:27:00.003+08:00

i am currently deeply in love with criminal minds which has not cease to torment my own mind to think further into situations. did i mention i'm in love with doctor reed and agent morgan too :D

2008-11-05T17:50:00.005+08:00

halloween in singapore is boring as hell.

we belong together like the morning stars and midnight lights.

you know the feeling where you just look at some people/person and you go "DOH" and just want to walk away that very second? well i think i did and do. many times actually. just the same few people you want to love but can't. not because you're not allowed to. but because you wouldn't let myself do it out of some effing selfish reason you can't even come out with. people are more difficult to understand then a car. period.

and now you're talking to me like we're still friends.
you know when someone breaks up with you. the worse thing to say is let's be friends. but at the same time it's the best. stupid contradictions of life. pfft

ok. i have too many thoughts running at the same time. literally.

2008-10-26T11:29:00.001+08:00

2008-10-23T21:46:00.002+08:00

Dear ashwhy:

I don't really know how to tell you this, but The mafia wants you. I think I realized it First of May At the mental hospital and I saw you Sit on the crazy monk. I'm sure you're Cowardly enough to understand That Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning Your false teeth to you, but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Always will try to forget The apartment building.

___Greetings to your freaky family___,
-yours truly-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed I'm in no mood for TV

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family i wanna go translyvania! for dracula :]

shit i've to go for some shit height and weight talk. what's wrong with being fat...

2008-10-20T20:30:00.007+08:00

well. that's 6000 words for you. canon marathon = screwed
i swear the winning pictures were not even near fantastic and all of us went HUH in the end. hahas. ah wells. i'm glad i had fun though. hahas. need to go on more photoshoots with mich!
did i mention i have a soft spot for cute lil boys :] hurhurhur
anyway, hope these photos may be a source of inspiration to some.

and i finally did my first official tech work! much thanks to kester who seems a tad too enthusiastic in teaching me. but i like :} hahas. i hope i do him proud! hurhur

op, i will pwn you.

2008-10-10T21:39:00.004+08:00

days been feeling empty. filling it up with nonsensical hobbies and things bought with only money.i don't think i've ever had anything[one] that made me want to pour my heart out to. listless stares that no one would see through
i want to be a daydreamer.
i am a daydreamer. i hope you understand now.

the two of us can be a rainbow.

2008-10-05T20:16:00.001+08:00

saw an old friend of ours today
She asked about you, I didn't know quite what to say.
Heard you've been making the rounds down here.
While I've been trying to make tears disappear

Now I'm almost over you.
I almost should be through.
So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
you'll see I'm almost over you!

You're such a sly one with your cold cold heart.
Leaving came easy though it tore me apart.
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know.
cause it seams like forever but I'm letting you go.

Now I'm almost over you.
I almost should be through.
So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
you'll see I'm almost over you!

I can forgive you and soon I'll forget
all the shattered dreams.
Although you left me with nothing
to show for the misery.

Now I'm almost over you.
I almost should be through.
So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
you'll see I'm almost over you!

So when you come back around,
after painting the town,
you'll see I'm almost over you!

friends, i'm not emo. i just think this song is nice :]

btw, 2 more days till promos end! 2 more days and i'm off to meet my loves!~

2008-09-30T23:08:00.005+08:00

gosh. i know this is such wrong timing. seeing that i'm caught right smack in the promos season. but i couldn't resist :} i tried to though :]

right so F1 on saturday was fun. and deafening. it sure was a big bang what with all the crashes and all. and all the sibeh tua lens. hahahas. right. sorry. inside joke. anyways, pics :]

oh oh oh! my new teddy :]

hammie's car.

i'm so tired of chasing. so now i'll just walk my pace.
when will you realise i'm no longer by your side?

2008-09-22T19:11:00.002+08:00

wow. haven't blogged in ages and this is such wrong timing. ah wells. so many stuffs are happening this week! why must it be promos!
i can't go to f1 thanks to promos
can't go watch the one and only wailers gig (i doubt they'll ever come again) thanks to promos
can't celebrate clara's birthday.
then there's that troublesome honours' night that's on my one and only study break. grr.

but last night was fun! hahas. celebrated yiloong's birthday. gosh i need to grab photos from mich! hahas. we caused the kiddy urinal in the girls toilet to overspill. no wait. mich to be explicit. hahas. she uh stuck out to much.hahas. gosh i swear that was hilarious. i guess they're my crazy bunch of friends. lianne and i always seem to go nuts when we see each other. jem, yiloong and sean just can't stop insulting me when they're together but i guess i'm immune now. HA! take that.
WE GOT HIGH ON BJs AND SIMPSONS LAST NIGHT.
then we walked out to cab and i got high on the roadside cause the cabs just wouldn't come and yiloong was being a bangladesh, although i must say he did fit the criteria's really well last night :}
i swear sugar high when you're suppose to be sleeping isn't fun..

ah wells. screw promos. i'm so dead for gp and math and geo. and maybe lit. which is practically everything.

and just when you thought i'd be there, i'll be brave enough to walk away from you. i don't want to be a shadow. i just want to be seen.

2008-09-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

this is yet another pre-emptive warning to verrell.

2008-09-01T19:06:00.002+08:00

botanic gardens on the 29th! i think. omg, i'm so busy i forgot when what happened. hahas. but ah wells, you get my drift. i guessed that's prolly the craziest day of the month.cause we were getting high on honey bunny marshmellow~
like 5 mega pieces in one mouth so lianne, yiloong and i went off the rocks. like literally, we were singing to the cookie monster song in the middle of the night at like what?9pm? i laughes at our stupidity but wells, fun day :} and then back to spamming b&js!
good luck to alvar, jess and shirley for their a's! this is like our last outing till you guys are done and free from the ever streneous twines that strangles every living student in singapore.

and holy crap, comex was crazy yesterday, i swear i was hyperventilating halfway. and yiloong's dang clever. i've never met anyone who offended random strangers so quickly and easily than him. maybe aside from me. but yaa. him and his mega huge crumpler.so we scoured 3 levels of masses of body trying to kill each other for electronics. for what? to get a freaking hard disk and a 4gb cf card and a bloody thumb drive for a big fat piece of fishball. grrr. my macbook is still somewhere out of reach. i don't see the point of comex anyway, it's neither cheaper nor does it have the newest stuff. except that all my lovely AT headphones were on display....... holy shit i totally regret buying early. pfft. so we decided to go back to watch pulp fiction! wahaha. i swear tarantino is the best director ever and it's agreed that he chooses the best music. dang it i wants the soundtrack. screw sg for banning nice movies like that.

invention tmr! good luck my friends! drink more water, rest early, pack your bags now and get ready to see some fantastic action tomorrow.
eyedrops here i come.

someday when the sun dies out then i'll finally see the light.

2008-08-22T20:09:00.001+08:00

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.

You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:

Philosophy

Music

Theology

Art

History

Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

i know what you wanna say. but don't say it anyway.
i wants that 50mm f1.4!!

2008-08-10T12:25:00.001+08:00

cause everything you touched left holes inside

2008-08-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish

to Die". Diaries of Franz Kafka

2008-08-03T21:42:00.003+08:00

i can feel my life my soul slowly seeping away from me as i struggle to stay sane these days. days and weeks passed in a blur. like for real, cause half of the time my eyes weren't even fully open. why is it that people always think that they are the only person that others think about. why do people think that they are so important in other people's heart. when actually they're not. why is it that they do not see anyone else outside they're own selfish sphere of self-admiration but themselves. sighs. why do i endeavor in things that i 'm not sure of myself. have you ever gone against your wishes and compromised your integrity and pride just so you can scrap past a day of unending energy draining events.why do i have so many whys. this is stupid. blogging is stupid but i still do it. see it's a prove of how people always do things they don't but only out of habits.

why so sad you asked.
i'm not.i just.i don't know.

the few things that could lift my face into a smile or grin was the night swim with pris last night and the gulping down of a carton of milk with yiloong in public.
(and now i have phlegm stuck in my throat. chrys is going to kill me for this.)
it's the silly things you do that made me smile. thank you friends.

please verrell if you have nothing nice to say, don't :]

2008-07-30T19:57:00.001+08:00

you're my yellow brick road leading me on

2008-07-28T19:52:00.002+08:00

i like myself. only when i smile cause of yours.

how long will it take to finally get out of home? tell me. if you have a house to rent. tell me. if you've got a brilliant plan for me to leave. tell me if you're robbing the bank in a bright yellow school bus. tell me when you know for sure.

2008-07-20T20:04:00.003+08:00

somewhere in this town we're running breatheless again
hoping to find someplace where we can share a laugh or two again
(aren't you tired from the repetitive lives we have?)
can't you see we're running in circles again
we see the same scenes over and over again
(do you not know its time to fall down to your grave.)

cause we all fall down again

I WANT MY HTC TOUCHPRO!

2008-07-17T21:06:00.001+08:00

i always thought that if i ran really fast, i could jump and fly away.

2008-07-14T22:17:00.001+08:00

"Rainbow"

We were so close, like to swords in one heart.
But you're giving me this feeling that we're drifing apart.
You don't come to me like you use to, and I don't cry on ya shoulder.
I'm trying to understand this before darkness takes over.

Did we lose touch cause' I didn't show you love.
Did I say to much, or didn't I say enough?
Did I let you down last time you came around?
I hate to see you pull away.

It's like our rainbow's fading to black and white.
And I just don't know what we have to fight.
Do we have a problem, can we resolve it,
is it something that we gotta talk about,
can we figure it out?
Cause' if we can't work it out make it right,
our rainbow's gonna turn to black and white.

The distance between us is growing everyday.
Feeling up with words we had no chance to say.
What we had was like magic,
we always thought the same thing.
I'm afraid we might lose that,
the colors are always changing.

2008-07-12T23:09:00.007+08:00

heh. omg. so much stuff is happening and i just realise there are many things i have not done. and i also realise that photog is my life. hahas. not all but yeah

yesterday's outing was uber fun, what with jasper making bryan wet and the menu making verrell wet too. and all the jokes you laugh cause its just not funny *i am making sense i don't care*
today's outing/pw was fun too! sentosa. hahas. i am making a point of going there every week with my newly engaged xlyn! hahas. i love you dear! and that ring is poking my finger. gah
omg and someone else is attached too *gasps*

sexy la caibei, still can capture the water droplets. lol

anyways, DUCT-TAPE BOY/MACROSCOPIC NINCOMPOOP[yiloong] requests votes so yeah, vote for his photos @ http://www.thericeproject.com/?action=vote&e=124
(verrell shut up)

and i forgot what else i was gonna say. hahas.

2008-07-07T00:05:00.002+08:00

to ning: i know you can still access blogger when you're in aust, so i think its faster if we communicate through our post :] i'm so glad you came back, really really. i'm so glad i can finally have someone to tell things too. i miss you so much for the past 6 months and did i mention that your messages really surprise me? ok now i've said it. i was so surprised that i cried. hahas. see la. i missed you so much and you're only back for 2 weeks. why why why? don't go back pleaseeee. because i'd have to surpress 6 months of emotions and wait for you to come back so i can pour it all out. hahas. right. see. so you should stay.

maybe one day we'll finally get what we truly want. but what do you truly want? why does human heart falter so?

2008-06-29T15:33:00.001+08:00

remember the time you stood up for me just for a sit at the swing? i remembered.

2008-06-29T12:53:00.006+08:00

look! my new boyfriend!

no.its not the person
its the cute lil thing he's holding! wootsey! i swear i was making love to it for like 6 hours that whole day while we walked from clarke quay to god know's where, cause i don't remember. then we saw the airshow rehearsal for ndp.

and there were these!

can you blind people see that heart shape...yaaa.
we were saying bryan must be damn rich to get the RSAF to do it for eunice. TWICE TOO!

yupps yupps. we saw many people that day. dtay was the shocker. hahas. i swear they're[yiloong and dtay] expressions were like priceless. then i saw huimin! like she appeared right i front of me and i screamed like crazy.hahas. gah chokes. i miss you guys
but i'm seeing sam on monday! sam my cute lil fluffly bouncy jumping friend! SAM! who's kinda a retard who doesn't know how to function any type of technology that has unlabelled buttons :]

yupps. so i went home and slept from saturday 7pm till 12nn just now:] cause crew work and walking for hours = draining me physically and mentally.
so now i have 9 hours to rush my dep paper.
toodaloo!!

2008-06-25T16:36:00.003+08:00

you don't know me well enough. yes dear, you really don't.
cause if you really did, you wouldn't have done/said those fucking shit into my face. you knew which button to press to fuck me up. admit it. you knew and you still dived straight in and pressed it. you seriously don't see the consequences do you. oh wait, there isn't. cause you know i'd just swallow it done. swallow my fucking pride for your fucking shitface. i don't even know why i do it. do you? enlighten me please.

cause everytime i wait for you to turn around, knowing i'd see percepted perfection amongst the thousand flaws that crawls.

Sometimes it's black sometimes it's white sometimes he's wrong sometimes i'm right sometimes we talk about it or we figure it out but then he just changed his mind
sometimes he's hot sometimes im cold sometimes my head wants to explode
But when i think about it im so in love with him
Every other time

2008-06-16T20:22:00.001+08:00

and OMG YILOONG!
thanks for the camera:] hahas

2008-06-16T19:36:00.008+08:00

i swear i saw the nicest sunset and sunrise on the plane. but screw those high altitudes that form crystalised water on the window. (it was pretty nice though) so whatever, i'll fly a private plane one day and take all the pictures i want. and then it occured to me. why the hell was i on the plane gawking at iced windows going on a freaking package tour with my mum. and the hell with a 2gb card for 10 days.

well.i guess the most exciting day was the last day. where the few of us snapped away at the riots and people pulling at my collar to prevent me from throwing a beer bottle too. hah

can't wait till i'm legal or something then i can finally take in europe in its full splendour instead of rushing from one state to another. screw package tours.

ok. i'm pissed with blogger. just check out fb for photos :]

it dawned on me on the way back home
that i did a regrettable thing.
the first i've ever felt but there's no turning back is there?
come come
let's all drown in self demolition

omg.pat,micki,ailing and rayson let's meet up soon and bitch bout mslonelyandmsposey :] i've got infoooo. GRINS

2008-05-31T18:09:00.002+08:00

i swear i'd marry the next person who's gonna provide me with a lifetime supply of sweets.
and chocolates. <3

2008-05-30T05:14:00.003+08:00

Your Observation Skills Get A C-

You tend to notice the big things in life...

But the details aren't exactly your forte

How Observant Are You?

yay! i hve not slept today. hahas. thanks to that fat ass who is still playing my wii and sam who baked cookies with me :] seriously, why doesn't anyone want sam :/

ep outing later. maybe i might screw up terms
oh wait, i will.
because i like how everything else besides homework distracts me. because i love baking cookies with sam that i forget how much work is piling up on my fucked up table.

and the concrete i walk on seems to melt under me when i'm with you. because its only you who can make me swirl on the spot.
and when the sun comes up today. will i still see your face?

aites. back to non-stop gaming and cookie diet.

2008-05-29T14:13:00.005+08:00

sing my little dear.
sing sing sing
and feel the pain
if i could
i would take that pain
and make it into rain
so that it'd pour
down on us
ruining the colours
we've painted
all over ourselves

and so the world becomes better
while we fade into monochrome

would you not give me a rainbow?

cause i woke up crying from a dream
a nightmare i might say
i was shot right through my heart
falling, i felt coldness against my cheeks
as tears fell
not because i was dying
but because you were in my heart.

2008-05-27T00:48:00.001+08:00

A little too tired says:
ehhh
promisering. says:
wah
promisering. says:
damn long never see you
promisering. says:
hahas
A little too tired says:
where you disapper to ar?so long nv see you
A little too tired says:
LOL

hahas. i love the chemistry i share with people close to me :] can't wait for thurs! <3

2008-05-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUSTIN!
i know you probably thought i ignored you the whole day and forgot its your birthday! but i didn't :] GRINS. yeah so the older you needs more sleep. i swear. you have bigger eye bags than me and i probably look younger than you. hahas. don't like the stress get to you too much okay! and i hoped the guys did tau poked you today or something since i can't. dang it. this is so much more meaningful than a sms :] cause its proof that i remembered your birthday! and i'm the last one to wish you happy birthday so yeah. i win. hahas. random blabbering, sorry :]

2008-05-18T15:17:00.006+08:00

happy birthday to all may babies!
5th may- ivan, patrick, madeline
8th- ignatius
10th-kimberley
12th-junwei
13th-biran, zonggen
14th-ME and vinesh and deraj
15th-michelle
17th-david
happy belated birthday to all :} I WILL NEVER END UP IN THE DUMPSTER! HA!

these few days have been fun. thanks to those around me who can truly let me forget about things that needs to be forgotten.you know how stress builds up? till you can't take it anymore? yeah. try experiencing that at 8 am in the morning. i swear, i came out crying from the relief. guys, it wasn't the fact that i was the first and nervous or that i screwed, it was because i was so relief. but i really appreciate having friends like this around me at times as such.

and when the lights are out. what were you thinking?
streaks of lights and ghostly apparitions of course ;]

merryn. NOT EDITED!

(taken by jasper)
our lingering presence.

upcoming birthdays-justin!

happy? mother's day.

2008-05-11T16:32:00.004+08:00

well i guess this just showed how little we have come to known each other
every year i experience it once. the feeling of not know what to say to you. i made the card, each year a different style. but then looking back, the contents were all the same.the exact same words. the exact shortness of the message. and i wonder why is that.
and it strikes to me harder this year than any other. because we haven't talked at all. at least not heart-to-heart or without it leading to tears. at least you're out having fun with others now. i'm glad i didn't go, because i wouldn't make a difference. perhaps i would, but it'd only to turn the atmosphere to a surly one.
yet people around us urge me on. 'kiss her kiss her!' but i guess you could sense the disgust from my face of the very thought of kissing you. so you pushed those urgings a side with some senseless reason that i'm not one to display public affection to people. indeed i don't. at least not to you. i don't even think i can find the strength or stomach to show much affection to you.

so now your card lies on the table. waiting for you to return to read it. no direct speeches of 'i love you' or sentimental hugs. because i can't bear to give the card to you personally. because i know my hands will tremble and i would cry. not because i am happy. but because i will not know what to say and because i know i've been a disappointment just as how you've been mine.

~~somehow i'm glad we don't talk at all. somehow i wish you'd just not love me anymore because your love feels more of a burden to me.~~

2008-05-03T12:44:00.002+08:00

how many emotions can a person contain within them without it becoming obvious to the rest of the world. like an expandable bottle yet it cracks with every new emotion occupying its limited space.

Red of rosy cheeks
Shoes of pristine white
Hair of black ebony
Under the mystic candlelight
One day off the lovely path
Wandered our little child
Into the arms of dark sinister craft
And of which I would now tell.
They took her in with sugarcoated words
And promises of a faery world
Then led her to the shack no one would search
And round and round the coarse ropes twirl.
Then the glistening metal came
And slashes across her tiny thighs
Each and every single day
She’s forced to write (with her own ink) a thousand single lies.
Thus begin her hew found life
Tied to pillars, dripping crimsons from below the hip
With no place to run and no place to hide
And suddenly the light goes ‘click’
And now her shoes’ a bloody red
Her cheeks are a wanly white
Hair the colour of living dead
Beneath the moment of twilight.

2008-04-27T20:41:00.004+08:00

ah god! i finally got my baby! omgomgomgomgomgomg. dang happy today. hahas.
went with yiloong to get our babies at peninsula plaza

no shits man. i was damn high after that. hahas. then he decided to calm me down with studying. ok. at least i still have 3 eng newspaper article and 3 chi newspaper article and dep research paper to do.
(ok.on second though, this does not look good.)
BUT. i have my baby!!! hahas. so we walked from clarke quay to bugis taking pictures and cutting his hair.
(i don't care man. i'm having a say in your next hair cut.)
anyways, last night party kicked assed. stepping into kester's house is like stepping back into the pride and prejudice set. which means its dang grand and big and posh. rich kid man. stupid tech boy.

i'm so not looking forward to school tmr T.T

2008-04-21T19:45:00.002+08:00

oh gosh.welcome to my accident filled life. let me do a check. i have 6 bruises on my leg. one huge scratch on my elbow. i hit my head on a flybar today and i can feel the bump T.T. i tripped over the nylon and my ankle got cut. my head almost got cut off by nylons.
YAY!
gosh. and i can't find a black dress for FOH! argh

2008-04-20T02:12:00.002+08:00

i thought my dream was destroyed because of you
but it was only an excuse
for i didn't have a dream
and i avoided it by blaming on others.
now i wished that i had a dream that i can chase with all my might. just so that its distraction was enough from keeping from thinking.
thinking.
no matter how fast i ran i still could not catch up to even catch a glimpse of his back.
thinking.
as how you walked away waving and saying someday we'll meet again. your smiling face was deeply etched in my mind. as i replied that's right. trying to smile most convincingly. was i trying to convince you or my heart?

South Park

2008-04-19T21:18:00.001+08:00

2008-04-18T20:40:00.005+08:00

~~i guess she's just better company.~~

photog outing was kinda short. i admit i'm short. but i'm not a camwhore. please guys. i have a rep to keep :] stop spreading! that tard jasper wouldn't stay for dinner so i had to leave too T.T MY ICE KACHANG! dang. arghhh. *stuffs cake into my face*
talking to ra-el is fun. he's ra-el cause i'm not allowed to call him JOSHUA. hahas.

=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
crazy mad crazy body problem filled siblings
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
haha
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
did i mention crazy?
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
haha
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
yes you did
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
hahahas
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
you didn't add nuts
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
and hyper
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
and crazy
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
oh wait
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
there's crazy
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
haha
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
hahahs
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
hahahaha
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
we're both crazy
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
our friendship is crazy
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
hahas
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
when we're not dissing each other
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
what friendship?
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
lol
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
we're serious
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
or
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
crazy
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
hahahaha
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
lol
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
ebil
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
wahahahahahaha
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
we should add that to our character too
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
hahahahas
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
crazy mad crazy body problem filled evil siblings
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
hahahaha
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
ebil twins
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
having boxing fights in mums womb
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
hahahaha
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
hahahahas
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
no wonder i can't get along with my mum
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
excellent
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
haha
ONETWOTHREE.don't think don't breath. says:
lol
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
we caused her too much pain
=) Ra-el (= "When love is not madness, it is not love." (Pedro Calderon de la Barca) says:
hahaha

i swear this conversation that made my day. hahahas.

2008-04-15T18:30:00.004+08:00

rugby is the most entertaining sports to watch. ever. ~~especially if you don't understand it :]~~

i swear michael is hot. especially with his new blond hair!

can't wait for thurs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i've a sleeping disorder. i survived on 2 hours a day last week and i can't even stay awake long enough for assembly to start with 6 hours of still. sighs. screw my life. i'm confused at least 80% of my life. which makes about 12.8 years of my bear 16 years of living. T.T
(i want to go to the mint toy museum.)
uh huh. then i have games day training tmr. which is like shyte. cause i'll be missing like half of squash and i can't crew at all tmr. someone throw stones at me please. cause i have a vague feeling that this post is gonna be utter randomness shyte.
(omg. the theasthai posters and ticket is hawts!)
i love dep man! we did comtemp and part street dance today. and woot. i hit my head on the floor. i think its kinda why i've been even more confused lately.
(sam why didn't you take it up?!?)
friday outing to queenstown? can we change locale please!!!

2008-04-10T21:12:00.002+08:00

i love my dear leehui to bits and pieces. thanks alot for the heart to heart talk in macs till so late at night. i swear i missed you to bits and pieces and we should have these talks more frequently :] because you're the only one that i can put my trust in now. seeing you walk to my school to find me. wait even knowing it made me so happy i was jumping for joy. so yeah. thanks for making my day :] can't wait till i see you again.

and screw geo homework. i've been stuck on it for weeks and never got to do it till now. when its due tmr. i think everyone i knnow in school has heard me complain about my 4 page hand written geo essay that is due on friday.hahas. but heck i think i'll only manage like 2 page plus. hahas. KSL is gonna black list me.

i don't wanna close my eyes cause all i see are sadistic dreams. vivid and fresh with perspiration every morning i struggle to open my eyes. because darkness is much more comforting than the insides of my fucked up mind

~~i wait up nights waiting for your call. d'ya know?~~

2008-04-08T16:26:00.000+08:00

一度死んでまた生き返る
そんな魔法をかけられていた

目覚めたら君がいて光みちていた
ぼくは生まれ変わった

※みんないるかい
星をめざして君に導かれ
歌いながらぼくは歩きだす
ふり返らないさ傷だらけの
少年時代など※

ぼくは確かに道に迷ってた
深い暗闇で孤独に泣いていた

目覚めたら君がいて光みちていた
ぼくは生まれ変わった

みんないるかい
星をめざして君に導かれ
歌いながらぼくは歩きだす
くり返さないさもう二度とは
同じ過ちを

愛の力の大きさ貴さを
思い知ったよ

星をめざして君に導かれ

(※くり返し)

行こう!
星をめざして君に導かれ
ぼくは歩きだす

行こう!
星をめざして歌いながら
ぼくは歩きだす

2008-04-08T12:29:00.002+08:00

How to Play
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. No cheating.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.
5. Tag 5 people.

How are you feeling today?
sidewalk singalong - backseat goodbye
i feel like doing that alright. but its impossibleto do that in singapore without some asshole staring.gawking at you like you're some idiot

Will you get far in life?
someday we'll know - mandy moore
hahahas. yeahyeah someday.

How do your friends see you?
hey you - jimmy robbins
they say hey you when they see me. is that counted :]

Will you get married?
greatest story ever told - oliver james
huh.

What is your best friend’s theme song?
letters to you - finch
whoever likes this song is my best friend? lol

What is the story of your life?
she's on technicolour - ambulance for angels
i guess its kinda true. i'm always stuck in technicolour only. and i don't have a HD tv yet.

What was high school like?
only fooling myself - kate voegele
hahas. yeah. fooling myself that i'd do well for o's without even putting in the effort.

How can you get ahead in life?
victims of love - good charlotte
right.so i become love's victim so i can get ahead in love. rightt.

What’s the best thing about your friends?
cry for you - arashi
woot they cry for me. awww. don't k. not worth it.

What’s in store for this weekend?
dirty dancing - carlos santana
hahas. rightt. where? in the toilet. hhahas i did contempt dancing though. hahas

Describe your grandparents.
technicolour eyes- backseat goodbye
i don't exactly know what's they're eyes like. but i'm pretty sure they're black.

How’s your life going?
i want you back - j rice
yes dear i want you back in my life.

What song will they play at your funeral?
ninji - arashi
nice nice song! hahas. i can die in peace now.

How does the world see you?
the greatest - cat power
i know i know! some people just have it all don't they :]

Will you have a happy life?
heart shaped box - nirvana
if i get a heart shaped box then i'll be happy? i'll be happier if i got my holga 120mm and seagull TLR and audiotech headphones "]

Do people secretly lust after you?
YAHH - soulja boy
i swear this is coincidental. lol

How can you make yourself happy?
take it to the floor - B2K
to do what? hahas. the song makes me happy though

What should you do with your life?
tell me everything - just surrender
tell who everything?

Will you ever have children?
realize - melody
righttt. when i realize that i need some? ahhas

What song would you strip to?
the time of your life - randy newman
hahahas. funny. i don't strip anyway. unless i'm gonna bath.

What does your mum think of you?
best of me - the starting line
right. i did not get the best of her. i don't wanna get anything from her.

What is your deep, dark secret?
i'll try - johnathan brooke
i'll try to keep it deep and dark :]

What is your mortal enemy’s theme song?
your call - secondhand serenade
DALE's my mortal enemy?! hahas

What’s your personality like?
fight song - the appleseed cast
something like that. i just had to fight it out with everything and everyone.

What song will be played at your wedding?
dreams - HIGH and MIGHTY COLOUR
i hope it be like a dream :]

& the 5 people to do this will be: anyone who sees this.

2008-04-06T17:13:00.001+08:00

What Your Handwriting Says About You

You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress.

You are somewhat outgoing, but you're not a natural extrovert. You think first before you act. You tend to be independent, rational, and logical.

You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.

You don't a lot of space, and you prefer to spend time with others. You are a little nosy and intrusive. You sometimes don't give people enough space.

You are a free thinker. You are unique, open minded, and artistic. You don't care what other people think.

You are a decent communicator. You eventually get your point across, but sometimes you leave things a bit ambiguous.

What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?

2008-04-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

why didn't you stop me when i turned my back against you. why can't you just apologise. why can't you understand when i looked straight in your eyes. why can't you see that i needed a break. why can't you understand beyond a simple yes or no. why can't you just be nicer.why can't you just back off. why can't i just say what i feel.

thanks to those who heard me rant. sorry to yilong for disturbing him during his family reunion.i love caibei cause she TRIED making me laugh all the way home although tears just kept streaming. thanks huimin for understanding.
i really really really love my friends. i swear i do.

2008-03-31T16:14:00.002+08:00

1. Where is the person you have feelings for right now?
in my school.

2. What are you doing on Friday?
going back to indo!

3. Did the last kiss mean anything to you?
it was a year ago. and yes it did.

4. Do you sleep with the television on?
nope. i'm environmentally friendly

5. What are you doing right now?
typing

6. What do you think of the last person who posted this?
ex school mate

7. What did you do today?
went bugis!

8. Do you like piercing?
industrial on right eye. considering snake bite.

10. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
no. *blinks blinks*

12. Have you ever crawled through awindow?
yupps.

13. Who knows a secret or two aboutyou?
dale,caibei,yusi

14. Can you handle the truth?
yupps

15. Are you forgiving?
i try.

16. Have you ever have a sleepover with the opposite sex?
yeah..

18. Are you closer to your father or mother?
father

19. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
NO

21. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
maybe

22. Have your friends ever seen you cry?
duh, hahas. 4hm should know. hahas

23. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
huimin.

24. Have you ever wanted to strip naked in front of someone?
NO NO NO.

25. How many people can you say you've really loved, more then a friend?
2 and a half. don't ask me why

26. Do you eat healthy?
no.ahahas...

28. What are you listening to?
crazy mary-fm static

29. If you could pick one person to disappear from the planet, who would it be?
where do i even start.

30. Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?
yeah. so much so i can't even remember.

31. How often do you go to church?
when i'm asked to

32. Speaking of church, are you going to heaven or hell?
hoping to go heaven

33. If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?
my mp3

35. Are you confident?
no

36. Are you a good driver?
not bad, hahas

37. What will you be when you grow up?
photojournalist

38. Who do you miss?
taking the bus with that someone

2008-03-30T16:36:00.005+08:00

fun-o-rama was well FUN. hahas. but i was so busy the whole day that i only had the remaining 1 hour or so to play. hahas. [pics on facebook] many thanks to those who came to support :] anthony,dexter[who is really cute and has a dang cool name], timothy, skye, FERINA DEAR![whom i totally screamt in excitement when she appeared at the stall], arun the bitch, sam [who took my tickets....], geraldine,rand, justin and ignatius [although they came for other reasons too...] but yeah, thanks guys! you'll made my day although i was running around for you'll. hahas. ohhh and i thought my face painting duty for drama booth was dang fun! hahas. although i think i kinda sucked at it but the people were really nice!

i missed playing my inflatable bouncing castle!bleah. and i couldn't win the cookie monster! no one else could too though and they decided to auction it off for nearly 100 bucks? i was emo for that cause. but for only a min! and then i went on my errand for caibei to take someone's *uh hmm* picture. blah blah blah. saw many hot guys blah blah saw many funny walking advertisements. though i still think my class ones are better :]

yes. we are so delicious! hahahs. i think my class rocks the hell out of everyone's boots! we ~~were~~ are so united! hahas. even during the banner making and of course from the amount of time we spent at our booths unwilling to leave each other! hhahas. oh yaa. and everytime a girl or a group of girls walk pass, all of us except nathan will shout "come buy our goreng pisang! nathan hartono personally fried it for you!" hahas. i feel kinda bad for exploiting him, but ah wells :} his parents were really nice too for helping us with the ayam penyet. and of course, our most laboured person istilah *tilah tilah eh eh eh under my istilah e lah e lah eh eh eh eh eh*

THREE CHEERS FOR 1AD2!

~~i'm so over you i really am.~~

2008-03-28T20:54:00.004+08:00

ah sighs. so many things have been happening this whole week. but!!! i saw the hot hot narrator from "INTO THE WOODS" again! when we went to watch the lasalle play. he was there with almost the whole"INTO THE WOODS" cast. like omg. i was totally staring and ogling. hahas.
that aside, i can't wait for fun o rama tmr :] preperation was fun although we all panicked halfway thanks to miss chen coming into class half way shouting "red alert! we have 50 missing coupons" i did a dramatic faint on the spot please. lol. [putting drama into good use!] then we counted like 10+ times and realise

[if we just realise what we just realise we would be perfect for each other....]

that we actually had extras. thanks ms chen..
then me and yilong were sitting at the bleaches talking about cameras as i drown in the knowledge of the unfathomable camera language.
ohh ohhh! and yilong has kick ass cameras!! hahas. he has the old school polaroid and two other polariods, a fish eye and semi pros...BASKET.hahas. and he was about to bring me to the camera shop to shop for my lomo holga! bah.when i was already off on my way to queensway with another mission in mind. to get my backpack. lol. and shucks jo said its common. thanks. so back to cameras. i can't wait to take pictures tmr! hahas. oh then yeah. and we spotted this weird guy i think he's nickname is donny or something then he started telling me about the sad sad lifes of his friends whom donny hooks onto and talks to for like forever! even though they were clearly ignoring him. and this poor girl whom he likes. sighs. he really looks freaky though. ah shucks. i love my photog friends!
and my class mates too! loga tells the lamest jokes. ivan bitches more than girls. caibei my emo partner. yusi who obsesses over a certain T. nathan the talented asshole.celine the innocent pok. chrystal the birthday girl today!!! AND MANY MORE. next time :}

and tomorrow shall be the day of ~~forgetting~~ and bouncing in inflatable ships and castles :]

bacause darkness is now comfort and the momentararily flickering bright traffic lights only brought fear of being spotted.

2008-03-22T20:03:00.003+08:00

oh yay! today is a busy yet satisfying day. oneACS and NFL.because i ended the day knowing that i can actually be of help to people and also that there are cute lil boys like mitchell out there! and they actually made my day a thousand times better. because he held my hand and sang to me. and i carried him and we played aeroplane like how my dad use to play with me. before i got too heavy :] although i swore i'd end up whacking them. but i just couldn't :] and nic whines like a girl at the age of 19 and when he's in NS. hahs. and yes. i was warned by 15 year old acsi boys not to be so boyish or else i'd be left on the shelf. thanks man ignatius aka mario. that's the only name i remember sadly. hahas. i'm so sorry guys! and i am now positively sure that my chinese is surely the better ones in AC. seeing that i can teach a sec 2 with my ltd knowledge of chinese words better than the j3s T.T homework starting tmr! i think i'll die. i've so many stuff to do.. cries.
i guess i'm just not good enough to talk to you.
nomoretearsnomorecryingeverynight.nomore

2008-03-21T12:49:00.004+08:00

Mother cannot guide you.
Now you're on your own.
Only me beside you.
Still, you're not alone.
No one is alone. Truly.
No one is alone.
Sometimes people leave you.
Halfway through the wood.
Others may decieve you.
You decide whats good.
You decide alone.
But no one is alone.

into the woods by lasalle is good! i've been reveiwing other troupes' performance and i still think lasalle's one is the best. the cast and costume and lights and sounds were just so captivating! and i was kinda noisy throughout the play cause i was blowing my nose half of the time. lol. not my fault man. i was so sick i almost couldn't make it home [cause i had to climb another two flights of steps up] and istilah passed me her sore eyes! bahh.

2008-03-18T20:36:00.013+08:00

CIP is love!(only once in awhile and if you're doing it with a friend!) hahahs. at least last sat/sunday one was :] it was some ntu x physique thingy which caibei and i mindlessly signed up for. then we realise its overnight. so we went to ntu campus to sleep. supposedly. but we ended up chatting through the night and exploring the lonely roads and echo-y buildings of ntu. and totally freaked ourselves out.. we talked like really personal stuff and i guess that kinda made us understand each other better:] (i'm omitting heart breakig stuff that happened that night.)yes i do realise i sound like a bimbo now. but whatever. hahas. then the next day was crazy! i went insane from starvation cause i didnt' eat since sat night. and breakfast was a small bun and lunch only came at 3. and caibei and i were stationed in the middle of nowhere of a freaking forest in tampines. and i was so obsessed with the fact that mas selamat would spring out of nowhere and kidnap us that i started screaming. lol. and yes we were crazy. ~~luckily he wasn't there :]~~
then i walked to civilisation which is like a 20 min walk across stoned and uneven paths which totally killed my sneakers and my feet. just to get two bottles of water and randomly to kill time cause i was so full from lunch.. ivan was nice too! hahas. he cycled like 3 X 7 km in total just to deliver food and drinks and make sure we are still sane. lol. and i saw pingwei! whom i haven't seen in like a zillion years. hahas. from camp instructor to busy busy logistic officer.. not bad. hahas. and here are some photos! while i go search for my 3 min long monologue...

my view in negative

me and caibei!

emoing in the middle of the track wishing someone would run me over.

caibei's turn to emo! lol. i kinda like this pic though :]

and we started losing our nuts and bolts

i'm so tired my cheek muscles need support when waving off the contestants..

i look like a garbage collector@

kisses! lol

3am in the middle of the quietest road ever

and we are officially insane

i can't find my monologue! stabs myself and cries out in pain. and yes i have finally submitted my CAP portfolio. and this is the longest post ever. i think. my eyes can't even stay open. thanks rand for keeping me up all night. i have new information to tell you! lol. call me!

2008-03-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

this is my current love and fetish! hahas.MUJI SWEETS.colourful and melts in your mouth literally:] yay! i'm shag and happy today.
NANDE NANDE NANDE? cause i've been in school since 930am today and painted and stapled and washed and cut stencils till 330pm. then played squash with barney till like 730pm?! aw man i think i really suck at it. either that or barney is purely despicable. the shots he gave me are impossible to return ok!!!!!! but it feels so nice to be in that familiar court again. and holding my racket. although my skin came off from my fingers T.T

looking forward to photog outing tmr :} GRINS and reggae classes!

2008-03-11T22:20:00.004+08:00

omg. please go watch step up 2. PLEASE!
like its seresly hot.
we're gonna take up dance classes asap! thanks to step up. but i doubt i'll have time. with that many ccas and all. i'm so screwed...

went out with mao and sam and sy and quek today!like finally finally. played bishi bashi! and i seriously need to brush up on my skills. hahs. i will call whoever whatever they want if they can get a stuff toy out of the arcade's machine. even i can't do it. and i'm proud to say that i caught it every time. except it drops in midair cause there's a slight release of the grip. like wth. cheat my feelings...

anyway. looking forward to tomorrow! might get to play squash with my squashies BARNEY AND SIMON! woot.woot :]

theballadofreadinggoal

2008-03-08T22:51:00.002+08:00

he did not wear his scarlet cloak. for blood and wine are red. and blood and wine were on his hands.when they found him with the dead.the poor dead woman whom he loved. and murdered in her bed.

koizora恋空

2008-03-08T21:15:00.003+08:00

can you give me a snowman?
can you create a rainbow?
can we take a photo of us two
while the sky, our sky is still blue

whennothingelsematters

2008-03-08T14:17:00.001+08:00

yay! i love fridays! although some stuff happened halfway through my supposedly happy day.
~~i can't believe i broke down back stage.~~
congrats to rand on getting her As!!
and photog was fun too! as usual. cause there were many new comers! like chenyang and cara! shucks. i can't remember the others! hahas. and nessa's reaction to seeing the L blogskin was damn cute. lol. i can't believe she's my senior... hahas. and no verrell, photog isn't boring. stop being so pessimistic. though reluctant, i must say you're a rather good president ok. and isabel too!
note to jasper: my camera is still more precious than yours! and thanks anyway for carrying my camera all the way without dropping it!:}

and i finally meet up with ep! yay! i love junwei's ktv! hahas. although we didn't sing last night cause there wasn't a spare room. so we went up to the roof and talked! and i finally learnt how to play bridge and am officially addicted to it. hahas. oh man. fridays are the best! oh! and it was his mom's birthday, so we celebrated together and she had like two cakes.hahas. so i ate cakes for dinner and drunk water like crazy cause of bridge. i can't believe how drinking water is a punishment but ya.

i swear i did not edit this :}

i finally caught a picture of him! if you're his friend you should know how difficult this is. hahas.

keith. he's damn retarded. lol. no offense.

sighs the different reactions to results. i wonder why waiting is such a chore. i seem to know the answer deep in my heart but i guess i'm just reluctant to answer this question again. perhaps i just did not want to experience the long wait for something that i subconsciously know would never arrive.

i waited for the talking.yet all i heard was my own thoughts questioning myself what went wrong. waited sorely for you to look me straight.slowly forgetting how your eyes looked like. i don't miss you. i miss who i thought you were.

happy is good.

2008-03-06T18:28:00.004+08:00

yes! i got into jungle book cast! thank you sahil! for telling me this in the middle of lecture and i was screaming. hahas.but i think there's another round of audition. T.T i just suck at audition ok. especially when i know i'd drag my partners down. i am such a pig. and so is syahir! cause he is in practically every production. fine. that's cause he's good. i feel so demoralised my fellow DEPers. they are 100 times better? and definitely more experienced.
don't worry istilah dear! i'll be there for you:] i'm sure you can make it to the next productions :]

today turned out to be a rather good day, i'm sorry sy for the earlier rants this morning about how life sucked. ~~note to self :should have went for anger management program!~~

and i finally saw samyeo after like 2 weeks? although we're in the same school.. acj isn't that big you know. and she rebonded her hair!i was shrieking "so cute" like dang loudly across the canteen. hhahas. oh man. i'm so happy over my accomplishment that i'm blabbering away like some tard.

2008-03-06T17:44:00.001+08:00

oh yay! i'm back to blogger! hahas. and cause i don't understand livejournal.and i can have my personal posts there this way.

2007-09-15T22:54:00.000+08:00

you said you'd be there listening when i need it
but you never did and will do

so yeah. stop lying.

2007-09-06T21:59:00.000+08:00

so they sprinkled us with stardust
just to make us presentable
and they dotted us with silver
so that we would shine under the spotlight
but we're all the same inside
our makers and us
wood screwed tight together
held by dangling thin strings
gangling limbs and lifeless painted grins

yeah. i'm bored.

2007-09-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

doucle cheesburger+choc fudge sundae+swing=MAJOR PUKING SESSION :/

and i strongly suggest to all vainpots out there
not to, never, freaking not go
ANEROXIC OR BUE
cause the feeling of puking after only one meal feels like shit
you don't wanna feel like shit 3 times a day
trust me.

studying at AMK lib with mao and sy was pretty productive
i finished all my ss!
but still must read it consistently to get it into my head.

gg to mugging everyone!

2007-08-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

hahas. shit. today was damn fun too!
darn. it really doesn't even feel like its prelims :/

ah wells.
mao. being as retarded as he can be after knowing sotong :]
went to buy 2 couple tickets. aka 4 tix
when only three ppl watching
but it wasn't entirely his fault
i think the person at the counter did it on purpose
cause mao wanted to get free popcorn.lol
yeah. so we ended up paying the usual price of tix:/

oh. then me junwei and mao went cinema hopping :]
we finished watching our dead silence
and as we walked out. we saw an opened door :]
*grins*
so we sneaked in. and watched 1408
hahas. damn funny. yeah. but it sort of made up for the extra tix :]
hahas.

oh. and junwei's a wimp la!!
he couldn't even watched dead silence without screaming
and he needed to hold on to something. lol
hahas. though he tried not to anyway. yeah
and the movie reused props!
like the mastermind doll in SAW
cause their the same producer.lol.uber hilarious :]

yaps. then arcade
and i played the hyper bishi bashi champ with them
and i bruised my thumb.
now there's a blueblack.zzz.
yapsyaps. that's all the interesting today
and sam called just now to ask about the movie
and immediately made me study.hahas
cause i wasted my day away.

so. tata~

2007-08-29T20:38:00.000+08:00

eee!
played pool today. period
it sort of sums up my day :]
=happy!
simple languages always express the best

yeah.loads of comical scenes:]
must be there to know
too bad if you weren't[this is to karl and mok who backed out last min.]
>.<

oh. and i dropped my phone into the toilet bowl
and i just started screaming and laughing in the toilet
with junwei qinyi and yingwei.zzz

yeah. that's bout it
been going out almost everyday this week:/
doesn't even feel like its prelim :X

2007-08-28T17:23:00.001+08:00

yes. this is how claptomaniac our class guys are
specifically junwei and zhanrui
they ripped it off the road at bombay cafe
like literally rip
like pulling it off the groud which it is stuck too.
and carried it all the way to our class.
wow. and this afternoon the cleaners were looking through every class
i think they were looking for this [points to pic]
tsk tsk

and physics and chem prac was a disaster
considering dropping physics for o's. hmmm

2007-08-26T19:31:00.001+08:00

this is freaking true. >.<

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You seem to lack the energy of late to get up and go. Your objectives appear to be unattainable and no one seems to care. You feel lost, neglected and need some W.T.C. (Warm tender care).

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform, but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?

webbie:http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/

2007-08-26T18:54:00.001+08:00

this is what i call rock and roll :]

2007-08-26T02:44:00.000+08:00

shit man. don't ever ever ever ever
watch thrillers like disturbia at this time
[please look at the time imma blogging]

yeah. just freaked my heart out man.
although the starting was hilarious :]
and the ending is happy. still. freak
freak shit
i think they took part of it from the episode of CSI
where the killer hides the victims in between walls.
this is way way shitified. st 3 in the morning
with no one else awake. zzz
shit. ok. gtg do math. tata ppl.

oh. and here's some retarded photo from fri :]

sy talking happily to TIM her IMAGINERY FRIEND
yeah. that totally freaked us out :]
and today's pic :]

ultimate cuteness! COLIN :]

2007-08-23T18:44:00.000+08:00

a personality quiz :]

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2007-08-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

see. that's why i wanna do gun handling :]
i've got experience ok! lolx

eeks! reminisce. me and tiffy :]

and i tried on my old uniform last night :]
see! i grew tall k! the pinafore is above my knees now! :]

suddenly think that PL uniform is uber nice! wahahas

2007-08-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

can you understand me
when i say that i have to leave
i just need to run away
don't try to make me stay

sometimes, there's just a song that hits you hard in your mind and heart
but i have two :]
at least for the time being that is

Pain~three day's grace

[chorus]

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling down
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

chorus x2

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

[chorus]
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

[chorusx3]
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

Running Away~Midnight Hour

Don't lie and say that it's okay
It's alright if there's nothing more to say

[chorus]

So I'm running away
I'm leaving this place
Yeah I'm running away
I'm running away

Don't tell me I'm the one to blame
It's too late for you to make me stay
No I won't stay

[chorus]

I'm faster than you can follow me from this lonely place
And farther than you can find me
I'm leaving
Yeah I'm leaving today

And I, I'll never let you find me
I'm leaving you behind with the past
No I won't look back
And I don't wanna hear your reasons
Don't wanna hear you tell me why I should stay

And try, and try to understand me
Try to understand what I say
When I say I can't stay
I, I'm moving on from this place
I'm leaving and I won't quit
I'm running away

[chorus]

2007-08-14T16:16:00.001+08:00

me and sy's new specs.hahas. i look guai. thank you :]

anyway's

the perfect couple! i wanna be like them!! zzz

my man people. back off :]

ok.here's the next love

PLUE!

squee. ok. i'm high. back to reliving childhood
watching rave master. AGAIN :]

tata

2007-08-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

The silent street was immediately filled with my heavy insistent footsteps. Trepidation ran through my blood like poison from the fangs of a snake, winding its way stealthily, coursing through every drop of blood in my vein and spreading to my palpitating heart. The timer in me ticked away quickly, urged by the impending doom.

Silhouettes of sinewy trees towered over me, its skeletal branches swaying in the night wind as if beckoning me to enter its frosty embrace. The ethereal moonlight bounced off the tiled pavement, its sallow rays ensnared me, glowering like a spot light through the fog, exposing me to the harshness of the night. Then I felt the meaty fingers curl around my arms, tightening as the other hand stifled my cry for help. “I can’t wait.” He grunted and smacked his lips as he pinned me down onto the floor with his weight.

I sprang up from bed and caressed my right arm. The dream was so real. I could still smell the lingering animalistic muskiness of him as he breathed down heavily on my neck. The beaded perspiration streaked across my tensed-up cheeks and tears rolled down uncontrollably. The crying had become intolerably loud by now.

“Would you just shut up!” I grabbed the glass and flung it to the crib. Almost regretting it instantly as the crying got louder. The shattered glass was strewn across the floorboards. Callously, I stood up on my emaciated legs and tottered over. My footsteps tainted the floor with its bloody imprints of my bleeding sole as I walked across the room. Yet, I could not feel anything, as if all the hurt in the world that could happen to me was done on that very night. Why did I have the baby? Why? I looked at it and my face distorted into an indescribable disgust.

I picked it up with my gangling arms and cradled it to my chest. “Hush hush, Mummy’s here now.” I hissed and my hands involuntarily moved to push the strand of stray hair away. I kissed it and put it back down. Sluggishly, I went to the bathroom. My wispy hair was tangled and all over my face. I could not even recognize myself anymore. My fingers traced the outlines of my frail jaw line and thoughts ran incoherently through my mind.

I wondered constantly why my room had nothing but white walls. They would not even give me scissors to trim my hair. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere. Wait a minute, where’s my baby girl? My face contorted in consternation at the very thought. They can’t take her away from me! No! I bolted and rummaged around frenetically.

“Mummy, here.” I heard a gurgle. I turned and saw my baby waving to me from her crib. I walked and an awkward smile formed on my face. Drawing her into my bosom, my gripped began to tighten against her small body. Tighter and tighter it grew and with a forceful wrench, I broke her. Fluff filled up the whole room and I danced around in glee. That devil spawn, a memorandum from the man.

Look what they've done now, bringing out the monster in me.

2007-08-08T21:23:00.000+08:00

ok today was like busy busy fun fun! haha
cause of x-country. [update the pics some other time]
then went to play pool with leehui.jas.clarabel.mingxin
and i ended up as their mentor.lol
yeahyeah. i'm good enough to teach. hahas
surprisingly though

at the mrt :]

i was snapped-shot! grrr.hahas

nineball is totally kickass fun!

yes. then me and leehui went to catch a movie.
the title is just below :]

secret!KICK-ASS FANTABULOUS!!
some pics of it to make those who haven't watch [god forbid it]
please please. this is totally worth it
it kept my face in a a rigid shock expression through out :]
best movie i've watched this year
besides simpsons i guess.lo

l

jay emo

this scene was hilarious :]

emoness..and totally cool. he was back facing the piano and playing a song with one hand
and he said something uber sweet to the girl :]

him emo and his dad cheering him up :] crieddd

nicenice

he finally opened up :]

really really. watch it. its got me squirming and twitching in my seat
and i've decided.
i'll only get a bf when i go to further my studies in jap after jc [i think]
and find my musically inclined-emo guy :]
after watching the movie
i now want someone who would play the piano till their fingers bleed for me :]
sadistic. i know
BUT. yeah.its just me:]
then went for neos.zzz. haven taken one in like a year? lol

lesbo!

i have no idea. what was with this pose :/

was rushing. cause of the timer. zzz

radon and fransium! we're elements! hahas

coolness pose :]lolx

wheee! hahas

tata. i'm going into mugging mode soon
i hope.
people.
stop
asking
me
to
go
out
with
you.
THANKS :]

2007-07-31T17:52:00.000+08:00

me new wallet! so true:]

sy being her retarded self :] CENTER-PARTING! haha

the arrow pointing towards shujia says "the stupid way"

and the on pointing to me says "the clever way" :]

SO TRUE~ lol

~those who are alone aren't always unhappy

2007-07-30T19:05:00.000+08:00

:} grins non-stop
sy gave me this today! and i was playing with it the whole of eng period

emaths period :}
was uber bored yaa. so i decided to amuse myself and shujia :]

school's boring! especially when you realise your 4 weeks away from prelim.
and you have a discursive compo to rush by tonight.

LOL

2007-07-29T17:17:00.001+08:00

this proves to be hilarious :]

new stuff.

2007-07-29T16:59:00.000+08:00

new choker!

wahahaha. ok i'm still a happy girl today

cause i finally went swimming

ultimate fatness yaa. need to exercise!

anyone who wanna run with me tell me! hahas

and i've gots me spongebob phone pouch :]

SQUEE!

2007-07-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

see that?!?!?
yesyes. my poem is gonna be published
in a book
with a page exclusively to it :]
do you know what this means to a kid like me?
who writes poem cause of the love of it?
of course you don't :]
haha. no offence though!
i'm just so happy.
hmmm. maybe happy is too mild.
exultant?ecstatic?euphoric?rapturous?
wahahahahaha. ok
yeah.today's a happy day :]

me and hum ponned the future schooling guidance talk
and peng in the lib waiting for huimin
then we went old airport road to eat dinner!
stuffed ourselves like nobody's business
bloatedness man. but happy :]
see.its still too mild to express my exact feeling. lol

today is a happy day
and i'm a happy girl
for now at least.

2007-07-23T17:27:00.000+08:00

"She said that she would dance with me if I brought her red roses," cried the young Student;

"but in all my garden there is no red rose."

From her nest in the holm-oak tree the Nightingale heard him, and she looked out through the leaves, and wondered.

"No red rose in all my garden!" he cried, and his beautiful eyes filled with tears. "Ah, on what little things does happiness depend! I have read all that the wise men have written, and all the secrets of philosophy are mine, yet for want of a red rose is my life made wretched."

"Here at last is a true lover," said the Nightingale. "Night after night have I sung of him, though I knew him not: night after night have I told his story to the stars, and now I see him. His hair is dark as the hyacinth-blossom, and his lips are red as the rose of his desire; but passion has made his face like pale ivory, and sorrow has set her seal upon his brow."

"The Prince gives a ball to-morrow night," murmured the young Student, "and my love will be of the company. If I bring her a red rose she will dance with me till dawn. If I bring her a red rose, I shall hold her in my arms, and she will lean her head upon my shoulder, and her hand will be clasped in mine. But there is no red rose in my garden, so I shall sit lonely, and she will pass me by. She will have no heed of me, and my heart will break."

"Here indeed is the true lover," said the Nightingale. "What I sing of, he suffers - what is joy to me, to him is pain. Surely Love is a wonderful thing. It is more precious than emeralds, and dearer than fine opals. Pearls and pomegranates cannot buy it, nor is it set forth in the marketplace. It may not be purchased of the merchants, nor can it be weighed out in the balance for gold."

"The musicians will sit in their gallery," said the young Student, "and play upon their stringed instruments, and my love will dance to the sound of the harp and the violin. She will dance so lightly that her feet will not touch the floor, and the courtiers in their gay dresses will throng round her. But with me she will not dance, for I have no red rose to give her"; and he flung himself down on the grass, and buried his face in his hands, and wept.

"Why is he weeping?" asked a little Green Lizard, as he ran past him with his tail in the air.

"Why, indeed?" said a Butterfly, who was fluttering about after a sunbeam.

"Why, indeed?" whispered a Daisy to his neighbour, in a soft, low voice.

"He is weeping for a red rose," said the Nightingale.

"For a red rose?" they cried; "how very ridiculous!" and the little Lizard, who was something of a cynic, laughed outright.

But the Nightingale understood the secret of the Student's sorrow, and she sat silent in the oak-tree, and thought about the mystery of Love.

Suddenly she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She passed through the grove like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed across the garden.

In the centre of the grass-plot was standing a beautiful Rose-tree, and when she saw it she flew over to it, and lit upon a spray.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."
But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are white," it answered; "as white as the foam of the sea, and whiter than the snow upon the mountain. But go to my brother who grows round the old sun-dial, and perhaps he will give you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing round the old sun-dial.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."
But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are yellow," it answered; "as yellow as the hair of the mermaiden who sits upon an amber throne, and yellower than the daffodil that blooms in the meadow before the mower comes with his scythe. But go to my brother who grows beneath the Student's window, and perhaps he will give you what you want."

So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing beneath the Student's window.

"Give me a red rose," she cried, "and I will sing you my sweetest song."
But the Tree shook its head.

"My roses are red," it answered, "as red as the feet of the dove, and redder than the great fans of coral that wave and wave in the ocean-cavern. But the winter has chilled my veins, and the frost has nipped my buds, and the storm has broken my branches, and I shall have no roses at all this year."

"One red rose is all I want," cried the Nightingale, "only one red rose! Is there no way by which I can get it?"

"There is away," answered the Tree; "but it is so terrible that I dare not tell it to you."

"Tell it to me," said the Nightingale, "I am not afraid."

"If you want a red rose," said the Tree, "you must build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with your own heart's-blood. You must sing to me with your breast against a thorn. All night long you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine."

"Death is a great price to pay for a red rose," cried the Nightingale, "and Life is very dear to all. It is pleasant to sit in the green wood, and to watch the Sun in his chariot of gold, and the Moon in her chariot of pearl. Sweet is the scent of the hawthorn, and sweet are the bluebells that hide in the valley, and the heather that blows on the hill. Yet Love is better than Life, and what is the heart of a bird compared to the heart of a man?"

So she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She swept over the garden like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed through the grove.

The young Student was still lying on the grass, where she had left him, and the tears were not yet dry in his beautiful eyes.

"Be happy," cried the Nightingale, "be happy; you shall have your red rose. I will build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with my own heart's-blood. All that I ask of you in return is that you will be a true lover, for Love is wiser than Philosophy, though she is wise, and mightier than Power, though he is mighty. Flame- coloured are his wings, and coloured like flame is his body. His lips are sweet as honey, and his breath is like frankincense."

The Student looked up from the grass, and listened, but he could not understand what the Nightingale was saying to him, for he only knew the things that are written down in books.
But the Oak-tree understood, and felt sad, for he was very fond of the little Nightingale who had built her nest in his branches.

"Sing me one last song," he whispered; "I shall feel very lonely when you are gone."
So the Nightingale sang to the Oak-tree, and her voice was like water bubbling from a silver jar.
When she had finished her song the Student got up, and pulled a note-book and a lead-pencil out of his pocket.

"She has form," he said to himself, as he walked away through the grove - "that cannot be denied to her; but has she got feeling? I am afraid not. In fact, she is like most artists; she is all style, without any sincerity. She would not sacrifice herself for others. She thinks merely of music, and everybody knows that the arts are selfish. Still, it must be admitted that she has some beautiful notes in her voice. What a pity it is that they do not mean anything, or do any practical good." And he went into his room, and lay down on his little pallet-bed, and began to think of his love; and, after a time, he fell asleep.

And when the Moon shone in the heavens the Nightingale flew to the Rose-tree, and set her breast against the thorn. All night long she sang with her breast against the thorn, and the cold crystal Moon leaned down and listened. All night long she sang, and the thorn went deeper and deeper into her breast, and her life-blood ebbed away from her.

She sang first of the birth of love in the heart of a boy and a girl. And on the top-most spray of the Rose-tree there blossomed a marvellous rose, petal following petal, as song followed song. Pale was it, at first, as the mist that hangs over the river - pale as the feet of the morning, and silver as the wings of the dawn. As the shadow of a rose in a mirror of silver, as the shadow of a rose in a water-pool, so was the rose that blossomed on the topmost spray of the Tree.
But the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the Day will come before the rose is finished."

So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and louder and louder grew her song, for she sang of the birth of passion in the soul of a man and a maid.

And a delicate flush of pink came into the leaves of the rose, like the flush in the face of the bridegroom when he kisses the lips of the bride. But the thorn had not yet reached her heart, so the rose's heart remained white, for only a Nightingale's heart's-blood can crimson the heart of a rose.

And the Tree cried to the Nightingale to press closer against the thorn. "Press closer, little Nightingale," cried the Tree, "or the Day will come before the rose is finished."
So the Nightingale pressed closer against the thorn, and the thorn touched her heart, and a fierce pang of pain shot through her. Bitter, bitter was the pain, and wilder and wilder grew her song, for she sang of the Love that is perfected by Death, of the Love that dies not in the tomb.
And the marvellous rose became crimson, like the rose of the eastern sky. Crimson was the girdle of petals, and crimson as a ruby was the heart.

But the Nightingale's voice grew fainter, and her little wings began to beat, and a film came over her eyes. Fainter and fainter grew her song, and she felt something choking her in her throat.
Then she gave one last burst of music. The white Moon heard it, and she forgot the dawn, and lingered on in the sky. The red rose heard it, and it trembled all over with ecstasy, and opened its petals to the cold morning air. Echo bore it to her purple cavern in the hills, and woke the sleeping shepherds from their dreams. It floated through the reeds of the river, and they carried its message to the sea.

"Look, look!" cried the Tree, "the rose is finished now"; but the Nightingale made no answer, for she was lying dead in the long grass, with the thorn in her heart.

And at noon the Student opened his window and looked out.

"Why, what a wonderful piece of luck!" he cried; "here is a red rose! I have never seen any rose like it in all my life. It is so beautiful that I am sure it has a long Latin name"; and he leaned down and plucked it.

Then he put on his hat, and ran up to the Professor's house with the rose in his hand.
The daughter of the Professor was sitting in the doorway winding blue silk on a reel, and her little dog was lying at her feet.

"You said that you would dance with me if I brought you a red rose," cried the Student. "Here is the reddest rose in all the world. You will wear it to-night next your heart, and as we dance together it will tell you how I love you."

But the girl frowned.

"I am afraid it will not go with my dress," she answered; "and, besides, the Chamberlain's nephew has sent me some real jewels, and everybody knows that jewels cost far more than flowers."

"Well, upon my word, you are very ungrateful," said the Student angrily; and he threw the rose into the street, where it fell into the gutter, and a cart-wheel went over it.

"Ungrateful!" said the girl. "I tell you what, you are very rude; and, after all, who are you? Only a Student. Why, I don't believe you have even got silver buckles to your shoes as the Chamberlain's nephew has"; and she got up from her chair and went into the house.

"What I a silly thing Love is," said the Student as he walked away. "It is not half as useful as Logic, for it does not prove anything, and it is always telling one of things that are not going to happen, and making one believe things that are not true. In fact, it is quite unpractical, and, as in this age to be practical is everything, I shall go back to Philosophy and study Metaphysics."

So he returned to his room and pulled out a great dusty book, and began to read.

the nightingale and the rose~oscar wilde

2007-07-22T14:21:00.000+08:00

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2007-07-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

"You're a hypocrite!"

She stops. Her neck stiffens. "Don't you use that word on me."

"why not? you lied. that's that"

she sniffs and i see her eyes starting to swell with heartache and tears

"you said you'd come! i was the only one without a parent! i had to walk out alone! i.."
i choked. and struggled with the words that use to come to me easily.

she was standing. shaking involuntarily. her working suit a mess now as her hands clutched and unclutched the fringes of her skirt.

"why don't you ever say you love me anymore?" and the mascara smeared. upon the pure white sheen of foundation.My eyes, unseeing, watched darker stains grow.

i slammed the door and cried. trying to perge the hurt inside of me.
and on the bed i saw something deeply etched in my mind

i was five and she was sitting next to me
talking to me as she always does every night
and i said. naively and without hesistation
"don't ever die ok mummy?"

and the transitory image vanishes

2007-07-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

things that happened today

>we played base/soft ball and huiming's ball hit me on the forehead

>watched harry potter

>played arcade and realise that i'm detached from it.

>gots my spongebob poster thingy

>i gots my new w660i phone :]

>bought my fbt shorts

>found the NUM bag i want.

and i shall not talk about what junwei did to me and my pens.

one word : traumatising

those who witness it. please. don't ever mention it to me. thanks

and my blog is dying. gg

2007-07-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

tell me everything wiil be alright
close your eyes and dream of me tonight
tell me that you won't just fade away
cross my heart and hope to die
tonight i dream i fade away.

2007-07-14T16:54:00.000+08:00

Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names.
1] i've mild claustrophobia
2] i don't like talking too much
3] i like to hide under my table
4] i'm in love with antiques
5] i'm bipolar
6] i have a thing for spider
7] i'm bi
8] i love talking with gays.
9] i like noodles with ketchup
10] i'm a hygiene maniac

right. the six people
-sy
-jasmine
-huimin
-maoqiang
-justin
-shujia

2007-07-10T15:19:00.000+08:00

"God's Favorite" will be staged at the Substation (that's near the
National History Museum or in front of Timbre) on the 28th and 29th of
July 07.
Show times are at 7pm on both days and on 2pm on Sunday
afternoon as well.
Tickets are $20 for the evening shows and $15 for
the 2pm one.
We don't make a profit off this, all the money will go to
paying off our rental debt to the Substation, costuming

anyone wanna watch it with me?

2007-07-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

ok.today was hilarious and fun :]
first was my very very LAST PERFORMANCE with cchmsco for speechday today
i did my best k! but still zao a bit.lolx.
cause : bloody ulcer
ahh wells. then later went to watch the rest of the performance with jas
the drummers from chungcheng(yishun) are like HOTS.
haha. damn style ya.
ok.then left early for a dinner party in the police academy mess.
ultimate coolness.
guys just look hot in uniform [except school uniform]
navy uniform is like the ultimate :]
yeah. so there were lots of people there
and i ended up playing pool with andrew and his friends
and i won!
i won 20+ year old guys!
like woot! haha
accomplishment :]
but i think they gave in to me :/
bahh.
ahh wells. then i reach home
and my mum told me the hilarious thing that happen when she went for her driving test : she pulled out the car gear out of panic :/
like wth. is that pro or what.lolx

yaps.that's all for today
gna dies next week
bloody heap of hw and lots of tests coming up
gg.

2007-06-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

omo.
cdc performance was NICE
haha.
me and biran laugh until dies. must watch to understand :]
so if you miss it
you're a big time sucker! lolx

me and mq scared the shit out of biran.
haha. keep spooking her at the lake.
woots. hilarious.
she's darn timid. just realised it. lolx
oh and junwei was running on a barrel-like-thing
and everyone else tried but failed.
so he's the pro.

then after the thang finished we were playing with the balloons
and the target --> bitumen :]
hit his face like countless time
shuangs!!!!
and i proclaim once again that
CHICKEN'S HAIR IS DARN CUTE!
so much nicer than karl's although it was under the same barber
can only say that karl is not a likable person. haha

yaps. then walk out of school fooling around
bitumen suggested on lying in the middle of the road
but was too dirty. haha.
CLEAN FREAK IN THE HOUSE!
and alvin mok has a prob man
he says me and mao look like a couple just cause we came tgt ._.
like hello
i'm les/bi and mao's gay. lolx
ahwells i went home straight
[miraculously]
cause they wanted to bowl
and i was wearing my pumps
so no socks = no bowl
so wtf. i went home
the plus side -- COLIN WAS AT MY HOUSE!
wootmess. haha
he just left anyway. so sads.
shall sink myself into the awesome book by anne rice :]
tata

2007-06-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

i can't control my emotions anymore
i can look at others being happy
and i'd just tear for them
i could look at someone fall
and i'd just tear for them too
yet i can just look at myself in the mirror
and feel nothing at all.

2007-06-27T17:30:00.000+08:00

to people who have been thinking that i'm pissed/irritated by you/depressed
sorry for the misunderstanding
i'm not. i think
i'm just stoning cause i have a short attention span
and if you talk to me for 5 min and more
about something i have no interest in
i'll probably be looking at something else. :]

yaps.ok today was the second time i woke up crying
last night was the 5th time i dreamt of dead/undead and the dying
thanks dream. you made my day.

2007-06-22T15:20:00.001+08:00

i want this phone!!

ultimate chioness
the price is an equal beauty
US$479
its on my wishlist till i start making money :]
or maybe my 18th birthday present! haha

2007-06-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

heeh hee heeh hee
lolx. i'm going crazy
thanks to CO camp :]
wells it was kinda fun
being SM for the nightwalk at least :]
was kinda sian diao at first cause of joshua and yaochang
SPOILER. bah
then later jiaqing frederick and kaixiang and slyvia came to help us
lolx. that's what we all sec 4s will be doing!
FREELANCE!
cause we would have graduated :/ lolx

i conclude that i hate farewells
cause they make people cry
T_T
stupid la. me and jas talk until cry.lolx

our cake!!

here's some candid moments :]

zhiwen

junyuan's attempt to take pauline's first kiss.lolx

zhiwen with the funny expressions :]]

ok. shall upload the rest another day when i get the photos
tata

2007-06-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

bah..did i mention
colin took my first kiss on my birthday
and my second on his :/
haha. and it was in front of everybody...

2007-06-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

woots.today was superliciouosly fun! lolx
we were suppose to meet and play badminton at kembangan
buts. clever lil me brought my spongebob monopoly!
and i told junwei[hm] bout it
so he cycled from his house to meet us
so me, hum, ah guang and him sat in the court and play
LUD
so we played till chongyi, junwei[ep one], huat came
and they played badminton while we stuck to our dear and beloved spongebob!
IN THE END
i trashed junwei and hum[she was bankrupt from owing us 1000++]!
super fun!!!
played like 3 hour straight i think
yaps.
and junwei volunteered to wake me up every sunday at 10!!
so i can finally drag my ass out of bed
and catch spongebob! woot

oh and i trahsed junwei at badminton too :]
wahahah
and he almost knock me down with his bike
thanks ar @_@

just can't stand people who try to use foreign language in their blog :/
bahhh. nothing personal.